Forgiving Ourselves

It’s a known fact that we need to have a good healthy relationship with ourselves. This is one of the most important things we are to do in order to have good relationships with others. However, it’s the one area that we fall short in and that’s why we have so many problems in relationships. I’m not talking of self-conceit or self-righteousness. I’m talking about accepting oneself, loving self, and forgiving self every single day. The same compassion you may have toward a lost puppy on the road, or a child crying, or even one of your own children who lost their way, is the same compassion you need for yourself. I recall a lady saying that she really has lots of great friends, and treats them well but she really doesn’t like herself all that much. I had to tell her the truth, because how we treat and feel about ourselves, is really how we treat others.

We can be self-deceived thinking we are doing good, but truthfully if we don’t love ourselves and accept ourselves, how can we really love our neighbor properly? (Matthew 22:38-40)

Before we can have a good healthy relationship with others we need to have a good and healthy relationship with ourselves.

In order to get to this point, first we need the relationship with our Father in Heaven established. Matthew 22:38-40 says that we are to love God with all our heart soul and mind, and then love others as we love ourselves. So the first and foremost thing to do as a believer is to love God. (If you have not received revelation on God’s love, go back and re-review the sessions on God’s love, accusations, fear, guilt and condemnation and forgiveness.)

Then once you have begun in these areas (because every teaching is a life-long process) you are now ready to face yourself and think!

We can see what’s wrong in other people, we may even have a 7-step plan for their breakthrough, but we just don’t see inside ourselves as clearly. (We think we do, but we really don’t.) If you really want to know what is inside you, really want to know, ask one of your family members or closest friend. Believe me, they know. I like to ask people to repeat something I learned from Pastor Henry Wright in Pleasant Valley Church, and that is, “I don’t care what the devil says to you about me, it’s probably true.” See we can see clearly in other people’s lives, but we just can’t see clearly in our own. If someone says to you, “Gee, weren’t you a bit hard on that person?” And you reply, “I don’t think I was hard, as a matter of fact, that was the nicest I’ve ever been.” Then you need to go back and ask God if you were hard on that person. Don’t let yourselves be deceived any longer – start listening to what others say to you and take it to God. If it’s something God agrees with, He will let you know, because not everything people say is correct either.

But the truth remains – there is stuff in us that God wants us to see, and now is the time to see it all. It’s the truth about what we see in ourselves that helps set us free. Once we recognize (which is the first step to freedom) what is in us, then we can cooperate with God as He begins purging those things from our lives.

In order to see what is in us, we need to stop and turn around and face ourselves. So take a minute and look inside your heart. What is in there? Write those things down. Write down ALL your sins on a piece of paper. It may be that as you begin writing, you had no idea you had so many! I had over 50 when I started my list, but it grew as the Lord revealed more. There was a lady I shared this with and after making her list came running toward me saying, “I have 145 sins on my list” and then paused a moment to write something else down, “no I have 146 sins on my list.” Once we stop and reflect on what is in us without any fear that is the first step to our healing.

We need to get cleaned out before we can truly live clean lives. We are to clean out what is inside the cup so the outside will be clean. Another scripture we hear so often is, “remove the beam that is in thine own eye before removing the mote in your brothers.” We need to get our lives right with God, and we do that by confessing ALL our junk and allowing Him the freedom to clean every bit of it out. It doesn’t mean we are perfect. It means that we are willing to “see” everything inside us and cooperate with Him to clean us up!

So now take your “rap” sheet to the Lord and receive forgiveness through prayer. I John 1: 9 says that if we confess our sins, God is faithful and JUST to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Once the sin is recognized and confessed, God purges. Now the work of God in your life has begun in the areas you confessed. Until we see what is in us, God cannot deal with these individual things. He doesn’t force anything on us, but has to wait until we are ready to see.

This is how God works: Let’s say we received forgiveness of our anger. But within minutes you find yourself angry again. Instead of getting mad at yourself, or wonder why you are still angry when you just confessed it, stop right there and receive forgiveness of that anger and ask God to show you where the anger is coming from. We need to continue receiving forgiveness and allow God freedom to work the anger out of us. The anger can be there in layers. Once you confess your sin of anger, now you’ll need to confess the sin of anger in every area of your life. It may be that I have anger when I drive my car, when I talk with a friend, when I have to make a decision, when I see something horrible happen, etc. These are “layers” of anger that has to be removed. The same way the anger came, is the same way it has to be removed, one at a time.

Many times the anger (or thing we are dealing with) will get worse and worse before it is completely out. I find that when God starts working in an area, the sin intensifies! It’s not time to fear, doubt, or run, it’s time to buckle your seatbelt, hold on with both hands and go for the ride. I no longer fall into fear, guilt and condemnation, or despair, when I feel like things are getting worse, I start rejoicing now because these are high tell signs God is doing a work! I am “co-operating” with God by not fighting the process of purging.

The lady that told me she had 146 sins had a problem with a co-worker who was a teacher. She just couldn’t get along with her and didn’t know why. It’s not that this person did anything to her, she just didn’t like her. While ministering, we began talking about her husband. It appears that when we dealt with the issues of her husband (who was a teacher also) and forgave him from her heart as I described in the forgiveness session, her feelings toward her co-worker changed. She no longer had a grudge against her, and all within minutes of forgiving her husband! It was because one built upon the other, and whatever was in that woman reminded her of her husband, so it compounded the problem.

We may think that someone in particular is a problem to us, but the truth may be they may just be the “escape goat” or the representation of the real problem at hand. Remember, it’s not flesh and blood we wrestle against, it’s spiritual, all of it! That’s why it’s so important to ask God to show us clearly what is in us because some things may be hiding the real things that need to be dealt with.

Believe me, this is a process, but the best road you can be on. As you begin getting purged from within, your life improves in your relationship with your Heavenly Father, relationship with yourself and relationship with others. I found myself in the store one day just talking away with myself. And yes, I answered. I heard the Holy Spirit say, “It’s nice to see you enjoy yourself, you are becoming your own best friend now.”

What is it that keeps good things from happening to us? (Jeremiah 5:25) Our own sins and iniquities, the very things we are talking about here.

Closing Prayer for you to pray:

“Father, I have to admit that I may have been deceived in areas of my life. I didn’t see myself clearly and I pray that you help me see within my own heart so that I can become free of those things that don’t belong there. Even David prayed for you to reveal any evil in him, because he too knew he could be self-decieved. Thank you for forgiving me of the sins I recognized, and if there are any others, please let me know. I want to be clean before you Father. I desire to be used of you to help others and I know if I am full of “junk” then I’ll only give junk. I can only give to others what I have, but if you purify me, and fill me with your love every single minute of every single day, then I’ll have what I need to love you properly, love myself and love others. Guide me and direct me in this Lord, remind me that when I do sin, simply receive forgiveness and not hold onto it, no matter how large or small. Help me to walk peaceably with all men Lord, and make even my enemies to be at peace with me. Help me to trust you more and more and to know you in the depths of what you desire for me. I want to know you more and more Lord, to understand your ways so that I can choose wisely for my own life and direction. Let me be free from all fear of making wrong choices, and that whatever choice I make, you will be there to work things out for good. I love you Father, help me to love you more. In Jesus name, Amen.”