LAM Newsletter, February 2002

Happy Birthday to ME!

It's someone's birthday this month! It's mine! It seems that each time I have a birthday, I tend to reflect on the past few years. This birthday was a bit different. I have been learning what it means to "not look back" over past glories or failures but live in the moment. So with that in mind I began reflecting on the moment. Who I was, what I was doing, what my plans were, how my health was, how my relationships with people were, how my relationship with God was, etc. I discovered that things are the best they have ever been. I have come a long way from where I started. I was suspicious all the time, distrusting, didn't have many friends, my married life wasn't that great (as I had a number of them), I was full of anxiety, stress, fear, and all sorts of illness throughout my body. I was mentally unstable, confused, and full of worry and doubt. My life is so full and free this very moment and that's what I can reflect on this day, in celebration of my birth.

The Lord's gift to me this birthday is me. Yes, I still have a long way to go, but you have no idea how far in the pit I really was. It's such an awesome experience to begin to know the real me. I'm no longer a fabrication of my past. I'm no longer responding out of past hurts. I'm no longer blaming others for my problems. I'm no longer wondering why I'm acting the way I'm acting! That is freedom!

As I wrote this just now I had a sense in my spirit that some of you don't really celebrate your birthday for a number of reasons. But let me just remind you that you were ONE in a million! Yep.. you have been CHOSEN. Tom, my husband, brought it to my attention one day how special each and everyone of us truly are. It was MIRACLE that we were even conceived. There are millions of sperms trying to get into that egg, but only ONE gets in, and that ONE was you! You were determined to LIVE then, so why aren't we determined as much as we were then in our lives every day. Some of us may be determined still, but others have forgotten.

As I thought about this it gave me a comforting feeling knowing that I truly was a miracle. You truly are a miracle too! It wasn't a mistake you were born. It wasn't by chance. You were specifically chosen out of those MILLIONS of others! Wow.... what a concept! What a truth. What a privilege!

I think knowing that I was chosen and getting to know the real me has been the best birthday gift anyone could ever receive on their day.

You are of such great value that Jesus paid the ultimate price to provide you the opportunity to have a wonderful relationship with Him and our Heavenly Father. By seeking the truth in your own life, asking God to reveal the real YOU, you are well on your way to living that free and victorious life as you have been desiring. The real you is the WHO you are. We have to take the time to find out who that is, not the WHAT WE DO. That is NOT who we are. When you ask people, "how are you doing?" They always seem to say something like, "busy". They are responding out of the WHAT THEY DO, not the WHO THEY ARE part. What they should say is, "I'm feeling really well today, or I'm not feeling myself today, or whatever. But it appears that most people respond out of WHAT they are doing not the WHO they are.

Pastor Wright from Pleasant Valley Ministries says, "When we know who we are, what our call is, and where we are going then we will truly be happy." Knowing and accepting and loving ourselves in the good and the bad, IS the KEY to happiness! Those things we see in us we don't like is not supposed to cause us to dislike ourselves. We can dislike what we do, but don't dislike the REAL you! You can still love the "WHO you are" even though the WHAT YOU DO is still not perfect! Keep them separate and watch your life change from the inside out!

SNORTING!

Have you ever been someplace where someone around you began to irritate you? This is a story that I hope encourages you - as it did while I lived through it! Amazingly enough, everything I write about is something I had to go through... hopefully by me going through it and sharing it with you will help you catch yourself!

One day I decided to go to breakfast in a sit down restaurant. I had a little time before work so I did just that. It's a real treat for me to go out to eat and I was looking forward to it.

I was seated in an open area; it was pretty crowded that morning. As I began to sip on my tea and enjoy the surroundings I heard a "snort" behind me. I glanced over and saw a man sitting at the table behind me alone, reading the newspaper while eating his breakfast. I looked back again, focusing on something nice again - but there it was again that awful SNORTING sound. You know the kind I mean without going into details? You just want to give them a Kleenex to blow their nose! Well, my food was about to arrive and I was thinking, "I can't sit here and eat listening to that snorting the whole time." I began looking around at other places to sit, but as I said earlier, it was packed - so there I was. I was thinking I would tell him to stop it. But that wasn't sitting well in me. What I was doing was complaining to myself about this guy - then after a few minutes I heard the Holy Spirit say, "to complain means to remain".

So on that I began to pray instead of complain an murmur. After all, this is what I teach people to do. So I prayed, "Lord, please move that man because his snorting is making me sick." That was the end of that - and here's what happened. I wasn't bothered by that man any longer and it wasn't that God moved him as he was still there snorting away, but now IT DIDN'T BOTHER ME! I had asked him to be removed but instead of moving the problem God changed my heart about the problem!

When we pray, we can pray for what we want but we better be flexible when God responds with a unique way of responding to our prayers.

From this time on I have found myself praying more than complaining and have seen amazing things take place! Watch and see what God does for you too!

INsight on Disease:

This month we will look at something that causes many discomforts and can lead to physical illness - and that is in the area of "Complaining."

I like to start out by saying this phrase, "To complain and blame causes us to remain in it and feel insane". (I shared a little bit of this in my previous article.)

Let's get right down to the root - a complainer is self-seeking, wants everything their way and when they want it or they can become hard to live with. This person is very unhappy, angry, controlling, and fearful. A complainer has themselves on their mind all the time - this person will never rise above the "junk" - guaranteed - unless they are changed.

Ouch! Gee, didn't I just talk about my complaining in the previous article? Yes, I do complain still, but now I catch myself at the beginning, confess what is in my heart, and pray for God to change things. It's not a sin if you THINK complaining thoughts, it becomes sin when we keep on complaining in our thoughts and manifest them in our actions!

So how do we stop complaining when there is something to complain about? We have to recognize our state of being. We have to discern our own hearts. We have to recognize that we are being impatience, unkind, selfish, controlling, fearfuly, complainer, and whatever else is in there. We have to locate where we are within our hearts. To tell you the truth, this is the hardest step! No one wants to admit this stuff - I certainly didn't, but until I did, I had NO PEACE!

As we confess our heart to God. Our selfishness, self-centerdness, jealousy toward others having what we don't or not being what we want to be, full of anger, confusion, doubt, worthless feelings of self, deceit, bitterness, fear, control, etc., we won't be free to live.

There are two steps that I'll cover right now to help you find your freedom from complaining:

Let me start with # 1) Lack of Commitment, after all this revelation came first.

I was on my way to the airport when God revealed to me that I was fearing commitment! I asked, "what has this to do with flying?" He told me that once I was are in the air, there is no turning back! I'm committed. It appears I didn't like not having a choice to leave if I wanted to. I thought it was the flying part, the turbulence part, the funny feeling in my stomach part, they crashing part, and the being claustrophobic part which were in fact areas I struggled with when flying. But it boiled down to this one thing causing the other things to manifest and that is - lack of commitment.

I had then noticed that in my LIFE I wasn't committing to anything. I had committed to the Lord, I had committed to this ministry and to my husband. But outside this home and ministry, I no longer committed myself! I don't even sing in a worship team at church because of the time involved and HAVING to be at church every Sunday and committing to a time during the week. So I confessed the sin of "lack of commitment" and have see that area change in my life!

Now I can commit to things in my life - because to tell you the truth, I didn't know that was a problem. See if I had this problem with flying, then it was a problem in other parts of my life too! God used the flying experience to get at it!

Now lets look at #2) Hopelessness.

The Lord used the flying experience to show me I had hopelessness too. When He showed it to me regarding flying I knew then I had it in other areas of my life. How He showed it to me in flying was that I never saw past the flying. What I mean is that I never saw myself on the other side, landing, going to specific locations of my trip, etc. I would just think of the flying part. I had to laugh as I said to myself this quote, "There is life after flying". See I hadn't really thought of what I'd be doing after I landed. So when I realized I had my head STUCK in flying (in other things in my life STUCK in that circumstance) I couldn't see beyond it.

So as God showed me that, I began thinking of the people I'll be talking with, the hotel I'd be staying at, the meeting I'll be conducting, places I'll eat, etc. It actually gave me HOPE. There WAS more than the flying part!

I realized that I was doing this in other areas of my life - especially about my office space at work. I had my eyes on that and not on the BIG PICTURE! Boy, was I being led down a destructive road! Thank God for his Mercy and Truth!

Now let's look at #3) Believing God loves me.

I have been learning for 4 years now how to receive the love of God. It is taking me some time to really receive it fully for myself. I had a lot of self-doubt, self-hatred, and so forth so it was hard for me to believe that someone could love me unconditionally and as deeply as He could. Not to mention I didn't really know what Love truly was to even receive it. So this has been a long journey for me.

What has this to do with flying? It's the KEY to my flying success. See, if I truly didn't believe God loved me, I would still be fearful in my life. So by flying, I was tested! God's love and protection and strength and provision is with me because it's His love that gives me all these things! But I had to receive His love to get all the other GREAT stuff he had for me! So when I took the step of faith and got on that airplane, and since I had been learning to believe Him and receive His love, being in the air wasn't a problem. If I became a bit tense, I would say, "God loves me, His love is with me in me and covers me." And within seconds my peace was completely restored!

#4) Walking by faith. A scripture that comforted me on my flying trip was, "My steps are ordered of the Lord." The only way I could have got on that plane in the first place was ONE STEP at a time KNOWING that "each step was ordered by the Lord! Let me see if I can explain it. I simply MADE a decision to GO. I even said to myself, "Self, you are getting on that plane if I have to drag you kicking and screaming." So first I had to make a decision to do it. That was the FIRST step. The other steps followed as I placed one foot in front of the other. I realized that as I focused on the step, on the moment, where I was at each and every moment, I stayed in peace. I recall in the past when I would have to face things, I would begin thinking about things that were GOING to happen instead of where I was. I was causing "anticipatory anxiety". Projecting the "what if's" from things that may or may not even happen!

So as I took each step, I looked to that step. I felt the love of God and His presence in EVERY step I took. Pretty soon, those steps led me - with complete peace - onto the plane! Pretty soon, those same steps led me back home again!

In that, I learned that I have to remember that EVERY STEP whether it's to step on an airplane, or step in my bathtub, the Lord orders each step as we acknowledge Him and His presence, protection and provision. No matter the circumstances, I discovered through this type of experience, that I have to remain in Trust at ALL TIMES. That I need Him in EVERYTHING I do! That when I do do something good, it's not me doing it at all, it's Him doing it through me. I am a vessel, ready to be used of Him. I see that now, and what a refreshing feeling that is.

Here's another test of this same concept.

As I reached the Sacramento Airport, I pulled out a little piece of paper that I had written the parking lot number down on. As I got into the bus to go to that location, I found out that the number I wrote down didn't exist! The shuttle bus driver told me to call on the phone at one of the pick up areas for assistance. At this time it was around 9:00 P.M. and pretty dark outside. It was cold, and I was alone. I called the office and they said to stay right there that someone would come out and help me find my car. So, there I was. Sitting all alone on a cold bench looking around like a little lost girl. I began to feel sorry for myself, and even sprouted a tear. Then without further adoo, God stepped in. "Excuse me Linda, I got you to LA and back without a hitch, and now you don't have the faith to sit there alone?" I stopped the tears and said, "Oh Lord, you are right." See I had been trusting God during that whole flight experience for one step at a time because it was something that I knew I NEEDED God to help me with. I felt him in each step - I can't explain it in words - but I felt him in my every move - encasing me with His peace and love and protection. My mind was whole, my heart was whole. So now that I was on the ground, I had taken my mind OFF God because I didn't FEEL I needed Him to help me in the parking lot. So I apologized and received forgiveness, and my feeling of boldness, safety, and security was completely restored! I was "encased" again and felt His presence strongly. I knew I wasn't alone. I learned through this that no matter the depth of the thing I need to do, God is going to DO it in all instances, and without Him I can do nothing. Within minutes, someone was helping me find my car. And yes, I did find it in no time.

The last revelation #5) "No one but God will Help me."

This was another thing God used the flying experience for was to show me that I am to trust in Him for help, protection, provision and peace, not in anything or anyone else. Here's what happened:

I had flown alone that day, not knowing another person, my eyes and heart were enjoying the Love and Presence of God. There was absolutely NO fear!!! I have learned that Perfect Love Casts Out Fear, and I was truly experiencing that. On the way back, I had met up with some co-workers and looking forward to having someone to sit next to that I knew. I was happy about that because I would have someone to talk to and keep me distracted from the flying. Then God stepped in again, "Uh, excuse me Linda. Are you putting your eyes on "man" to see you through this?" I had realized that I was putting my "trust" on those who were flying back with me to help me be "OK" about the flying. So I confessed that and said, "Lord you are my confidence and protection, you are all I need." I realized God gave me those individuals for enjoyment not as a help!

Through this whole flying experience revelation after revelation poured out. See God meets us where we live. He uses my driving to work to teach me truth. He used this flying experience to show His Love and other revelations I don't have enough paper to write on. There were a number of scriptures that comforted me as well, and one is found in Isaiah,"Fear not Abram (I put my name there) I am thy shield and they exceeding great reward". I remember feeling as though I was encased and completely covered. I remember when I had anxiety and fear so bad, I felt that my insides were on my outside, and I wasn't contained at all but that my feelings were scattered all over the place. It was a scary feeling - only those who know what I'm talking about can really understand it. But I have to tell you that since flying was one of my GREATEST fears and saw how God brought me through that, I know without a shadow of a doubt, He loves me! (See, I knew in my head He loved me, but didn't have it in my heart until recently. And this experience allowed me to test the faith I had - and I realized I have grown in faith in Him!)

Here's an added revelation I'll share with you that was very interesting to me. I had been afraid of something that I have loved for so many years! I realized that I have always enjoyed watching movies about space expeditions real or fiction. I have had dreams of actually flying in the air with my arms outstretched. I recall scripture after scripture of God's wing's sheltering us, and that angels have wings. It looks to me God likes flying too! I had to laugh at myself as I realized this. The very thing I was afraid of I loved!

The last thing that will wrap up this sharing experience with you is this. The Lord told me that day, "The test is not a test of being able to fly, but a test of trusting me IN that flying." My job was to bask in His presence and lean on Him, His job was to GIVE me peace, GIVE me sound mind, and GIVE me protection. I could not get the peace on my own, I could not protect myself, and I could not even keep my own thoughts under lock and key - it was all God doing it. I discovered that He really doesn't ask us to do much, just one thing - Believe. But I also know I couldn't believe Him until I Knew Him! My quest has been getting to know His love and the Power of His Resurrection! From that comes the ability to trust Him in ALL things to live a full life.

Everything that I ever taught, everything that I have gone through, everything that I have shared with others has brought me to this one moment of truth - facing the GREATEST fear of all - and for me it was flying - and living through it Victoriously! I can say that I am now "free" to fly!

The next day I discovered something new about myself. I had a kind of boldness in me that I didn't have before. I began thinking of all the places I wanted to go and all the things I wanted to do. I knew God's love would keep me and protect me and give me what I need to go "boldly" into the world. I am so looking forward to what all that involves, but in the meantime I can enjoy the freedom from being stopped from doing what I want to do.

TOM's TIDbits

"Married people run around and do stuff because they don't like being together!"

Tom and I were reminiscing (well I was) how when we first met that we went a lot of places. We went to Disneyland, the ocean, camping, mountains, Lake Tahoe, and lots of other places. I said we haven't done those things in a long time, we should do more things. Tom said, "But we're grown up now and have adult responsibilities - anyway, being with each other is more important than doing a bunch of stuff."

See we did lots of fun things when we first got together cause we were getting to know each other. Now that we know each other, we are enjoying each other, whether or not it's at home or on some elaborate vacation. We noticed that some married couples who have been married for some time, are always on the go, with or without each other. When people are "doing" stuff, they are being pre-occupied with the activity and not having to really pay attention to the spouse. This is where Tom's quote came from, he discovered it's because some couples don't like being with each other - now that they KNOW each other. This is sad, but is true. Not for everyone though, but you do know who you are.

If you find yourself always on the go to "avoid" your spouse, then it's time to get off that treadmill and let God heal your heart. There may have been some hurtful things done to you from your spouse. Perhaps they aren't trustworthy any more. Perhaps you are just staying together for the kids. Whatever the reason is you are "not truly happy" with your spouse, it's time to get it fixed.

Who is the "fixerupper?" Jesus. As I shared with you in the opening article about getting to know the real you, perhaps now would be a good time to confess your true feelings to God, no matter how awful or shamefully they may be. This is where your healing and restoration begins.

I had to say some things about my husband to God too. I don't care to share them with you, as I'm sure you wouldn't want to share your inner most deep feelings with me either. But God already knows. He's just waiting for us to confess them to Him. This will remove any power that JUNK in our hearts has over us. Our attitudes and actions are built on our past experiences. If you are not happy and full of peace and love, then you have some reflecting of your own to do.

It isn't all that complicated. Simply state to God your heart, receive forgiveness and He does the rest! Yep! It's that easy! God does the healing and restoring and changing for us!

Try Him, He will not fail! But I do warn you, when you start on this quest there are wonderful things in store for you!!!!

Cheap Spirit!

I shop for the "Sale" items whenever I go shopping, do you? God revealed to me that I was trying to take care of myself!

I am a shopper. I love to shop. I shop to release stress. I shop because I love to buy stuff. But I do shop "cheaply". I find myself going after the RED tagged items FIRST. And most of the time if I don't find anything there, I find other red tags to buy from. I go over and over the same section hoping I missed something. Like squeezing juice out of a turnip. Just hoping to find something on sale! Sometimes I just buy something BECAUSE it's on sale!

I was taught something that I want to share with those of you who shop mostly for sales or in thrift stores. Now don't get me wrong, I'm one for a sale and I like thrift stores, but if that's all I continued to do, then there is something wrong. Our father owns EVERYTHING and we are heirs to all his possessions, then why do we live as poppers? Something to think about.

Have you seen poor people, believers and non-believers, lacking more and more every day? If we take a look into their lives, we would find that they go after what is cheap, and what is free, perhaps even manipulating others into giving them what they want. I did the same thing and as I looked back on those times, I ended up needing even more still! Reminds me of the story in the bible that talks about the purse that has a hole in the bottom of it where all the money just keeps falling out.

But right now, I'm only talking to those who have a hard time buying "new" things for "full" price (that's another story). So if this isn't you, just read on so you can help someone who does have this problem.

I had recently looked upon the things I've bought. Those things on sale I never really wanted, it's just that it was cheap. Those things may be still sitting in a drawer somewhere or hanging in a closet. Probably will end up in a garage sale or back to the thrift stores again. I have to laugh, because when I do go to garage sales or thrift stores I find things I've given away or sold!

On a number of occasions I would discuss this kind of stuff with a friend of mine. She also had to agree she had problems with buying things that were not on sale. So we began searching for truth in this area of our lives and why we are so "cheap". I did know one basic thing, we had a "cheap spirit" on us. So with that we both confessed it to God.

Later that week God began working in me. I was in a fabric store and was looking for material I needed for an event I was going to. I knew exactly what I wanted. I went for the SALE rack first. I found "kinda" what I was wanting and bought it. I took it home and made the pattern. The outfit didn't fit me - I wasted all that material.

Then I had to try again. I went out the NEXT day to a big fabric store. I didn't go for the sale price but for the material I wanted. I knew I only needed 2 yards and knew I had the money to pay for it. I also found some scissors I wanted, around $13.00 (not on sale).

So I got my material and my scissors and went to pay for them. The material was %30 off and the scissors were on sale too!

As I reflected on that, I discovered what I was doing. By going to the sale items, I was trying to take care of myself. By going to what I truly desired and wanted, God was taking care of my needs.

This has been happening over and over again since that day. Now when I shop, I go get what I truly need or want. I am not frivolous but I'm no longer "fearing" the higher prices. There have been times when I'd take the item to the register and didn't even know it was on sale, and it was! Just yesterday Tom and I went shopping. We needed a rice cooker. I found one at a retail store for $26.00. We took it to the cash register and it was only $15.00. We didn't know it was on sale, but God knew. He has been taking care of us in our shopping ever since.

Something else I realized. I became "satisfied" with my purchases!!!! Wow, that's a big one. Tom use to call me a "bolemic" shopper because I would end up taking stuff back. But now I'm keeping more stuff now as I get it. And I don't need to shop every weekend like I was. I'm becoming satisfied! What a miracle for me!

The other thing I realized is that I was actually saving money. Every time I bought something I really didn't want, I ended up going back to find the right thing - so I ended up spending more money than if I just cracked down and bought the right thing in the first place. If I have to put it on lay-away, so be it, but I'm getting what I want, not what is "convenient" or "cheap".

The other day I bought a water filter for the sink. I had to choose from one model to another. One was 3 dollars more than the other. My norm would be to go after the cheaper item - but this time I chose the higher priced item. We'll see how that goes, we just put it on the sink. But I know that I'm very satisfied with my choice.

I hope to encourage you to take the "plunge" from that cheap spirit. Once I realized I had it, I confessed it to God, asked for a healing and purging of that spirit, then began shopping differently!

Some of you are saying, "yeah, but you have money." Not necessarily more than you. God wants us to live within our means, and if there is something you truly need (outside your means) He has it for you. You just have to stop looking for shortcuts and a quick fix - but look to what it is you truly need and to God who is the supplier. See when we have a need, we try to get it ourselves, fix things ourselves, work out things ourselves. But this isn't how God wants us to live. He wants us to BELIEVE He has the answers for you and then RECEIVE so we can "be".

A Brief Conversation:

I was on a business trip (the same trip I shared with you about my flying experieince) and began talking with a man who was sitting next to me on the plane. He was telling me and others that were with me, how he and about 30 of his friends would go on yearly trips. He said that number has dropped down to 20, now it's down to 6. He then said that it's because they have great wives. This is what I said, "Your wives are great because the husbands are loving them, making them great wives." He looked at me kinda puzzled and said, "You are right."

How to Get in touch with us:

For information about the seminars, events, or personal ministry you can call (530) 620-2712, 6:00 p.m. – 9:00 p.m. Monday through Friday, and 9:00 a.m. – 6 p.m. Saturday through Sunday (Pacific Standard time). You may need to leave a message, but your call will be returned within 24 hours. Web site is www.mindsync.com/LAM, email is TruthFrees@Mindsync.com. If you are wanting to speak to Pastor Wright, you will need to contact him by email at pvcm@alltel.net.

Are LAM Seminars coming your way?

I am in the process of scheduling the 2002 Seminar and meeting dates. If you would like to have one in your area, please let me know and I'll see if it can be arranged. The seminars can last from 4 hours to 8 hours. If I travel in from a distance, the 8 hours or 2-day seminars are best. LAM's headquarters is in California.

Meetings Scheduled so far:

Please call at (530) 620-2712 for more information on these seminars or to plan one in your area.