LAM Newsletter, July 2004

My Turn!

This is a revelation I received this month that totally blew the top off of my life. What I mean is that it was a revelation that brought more freedom and peace to my life, with expectancy and excitement. Just when things start going good, they get even better. That is the God we serve.

I had been talking to a friend of mine who got a massive breakthrough in her life. She called me the morning after a retreat she attended in my home. She’s attended many as a support and friend, but then realized these meetings were for her too and called to thank me for having these meetings and to never stop! They have been instrumental in her life changing so dramatically. She began telling me about her breakthrough, I was so excited for her. It was the one thing in her life that was “stopping” all other things in her life from coming to pass. As she shared it with me, I couldn’t help but think “what about me?” (Yes, I still haven’t been delivered from that yet) So after hanging up the phone, I asked God.

I began searching my life, my past but nothing was really coming up. So I let it go. Then it happened!!!

I now realize (after going through) that God had been setting my breakthrough up all along. It started weeks ago with little things here and there but picked up momentum this last weekend. My husband and I were running errands, and we began talking about dreams and wishes. (Unfulfilled dreams and wishes is one of the blocks that prevent us from hearing from God.) I didn't trip on it much because I didn't think I had any unfulfilled dreams or wishes. Since know about self-deception, I decided to stop for a minute and think if I had any unfulfilled dreams and wishes. Immediately I began feeling sad. I knew then there must be a dream or wish I was unaware of. So I asked God. He immediately drew my attention to a dream I had the night before - I was standing on a rock, my clothes and hair blowing in the breeze as I looked out over the massive ocean view. It was breathtaking! As I began revisiting that vision, tears began to form. I got all choked up. Then I said to Tom: "I do have an unfulfilled dream that I never believe will ever happen. And that is to live near the ocean." That was a dream I've always had, and since I was married, I felt it wasn't possible because Tom doesn't like the water. But to my surprise, Tom said, "Well, we can look at moving to Washington or Oregon." I can't tell you what that did inside. I felt hope return (And this is the thing that was restored - my hope that I didn't even know was gone! Hopelessness and depression is a result of unfulfilled dreams and wishes!) I felt like I just was set free. That I'm not "stuck" where I'm at. (And really, I'm not stuck in my home because it's a great place...) But I had been feeling stuck just the same.

I got unstuck! The very thing I teach people how to do in my meetings! I knew I wasn’t stuck in many other areas because I’ve received so much healing and restoration, but this was an area that was new for me.

Like I said, God had been setting this up all along. Because during this same time frame I visited with a couple who had a word for me - and that word was "expand." That played into all this as well. The couple that prayed for me prayed something along these lines to expand my borders, to see the things God wants me to see, through his eyes and what he wants to do through me... I can't really remember all that was said, but God used them to speak to me. He used my dream, my own teachings I did the previous weekend, my husband, and so much more to bring me to this revelation.

I was so full of excitement, and my sights were set on ocean front property, that I began looking on-line for homes in Oregon and Washington. I saw lots of affordable things out there, especially if we sell our house and use it to buy another. And I was free to look. I felt like it was totally possible to obtain!! (See, I had thought I wasn't going to move anywhere else because I recall my husband saying he needed to be near his parents because they were getting old. When I brought that up to him, he said that’s no longer a concern and that nothing holds us here.)

It gets even better: I found lots of homes, and the more I looked and compared them to my home, the more my home looked better and better, all except the ocean view. Then the Lord spoke the final breakthrough to me saying:

"It's not that you will necessarily live near the ocean, it is a metaphor - what I'm saying is that the possibilities in your life is as massive as the ocean view! There is no limitation of what I can do through you. You had put these limitations on yourself because of what you felt you could or could not do.”

What a drop of hope and restoration went into my heart! Instantaneously I felt so open and free. I stopped feeling trapped, inhibited, or squashed. I feel like the sky's not even the limit!

Then I discovered why I was in that mindset for 5 years! (Again, I didn’t know this until I got out.) I was in fear of not having tomorrow – hopelessness. Why start doing something with vision if Jesus is coming back? Why start making plans to do it when it may never happen? Then the story of the talents came to mind. The one who got 5 went out and made 5 more, the one who got 2, when out and made two more, but the one with the one, buried it because he was in fear! I've been burying myself, now I'm not. I'm going to go and expand all that God has given to me, and if he comes back before I finish it, so be it! If I don't finish something I've started and He calls me home, so be it. But I'm going to live in the expanse of God's Kingdom from now on.

It so impacted my life, that it even impacted my husband’s life. Now I'm looking forward and expecting things to start happening beyond my wildest imaginations, possibilities and dreams!

And so God told me this final word: "You can do ANYTHING you want on this planet, as long as you do it wholeheartedly as unto me." Wholeheartedly doesn't mean perfect, or huge, it means with the mind of Christ.

And there is More!!!!! Since I wrote the article above, the “more things” have been happening that I must share with you now. “Hot of the press” too because this latest life changing revelation just took place.

Once I realized that anything is possible, my dreams can come true, the truth hit me. It was while watching a movie called “The notebook” which just came out in theatres. It was a love story that touched my life. Right at the end of the movie, The Lord brought me back to 15 years old and a dream I had at that time. I had dreamed of being loved. My whole life was spent on finding love. I finally found my father’s love – from my Heavenly Father. And now I found the love from a man, my husband. The Lord lovingly said, “Tom is your dream.” When He said that, immediately something happened in my heart. It was as though the blinders were removed from my eyes, or that I just woke up from a coma. I then said back to God, “Tom IS MY Dream!” I felt a deeper love than ever before toward him. I couldn’t wait to get home to hold him and kiss him. My whole heart was changed.

I cried all the way home with excitement. So when I got home, Tom just got home from work, I told him all about what took place. As we talked about the movie and how God used the movie to show me I am living my dream, Tom said, “It was well worth the wait.”

That statement melted my heart! For 15 years he has been waiting for my return. See when we got married, it was great. We had a great love affair as a couple should. But it didn’t last, and for some reason that part of our love was not constant. I didn’t even know I was missing something because our relationship has been so wonderful, and keeps getting better. So I didn’t know there was anything lacking in it. But now that I “see” I can now look back and see that I had blocked out some things, now everything is open and transparent.

I love how God uses many things in our lives to bring a truth to us. One of these was a song called, “Love’s Divine.” Part of the lyrics say, “Love helped me know my name.” I have been singing that song for a week, and now I understand it. Love, the kind of love the God has for me and that Tom has had for me, that I now truly can return, has allowed me to “know who I am” in Christ Jesus. Now that I realize I am living my dream, I now truly know who I am. I am the daughter of the most High God, and Tom’s wife, and mother. That’s who I am. I am Tom’s helpmate, his love, and his flower.

As I came into this revelation, and found myself more secure than ever in my life I heard the Holy Spirit say, “Now, you can start really living.”

As said earlier, the possibilities are innumerous and we are both truly excited about what is coming up in our lives ahead.

Food, Love, Fear

In last month’s newsletter I spoke on Food and Love. I keep writing about the subject of “food” because it’s really a large part of my life. And I believe it’s a large part of most of yours. It seems it’s a constant battle! It’s always on our minds, somewhere. We plan events around food. We visit friends around food. Food, food, food.

I just had a profound realization – I’m DONE BEING CONSUMED WITH FOOD! I sat in my car and said, “God, I have been dealing with food issues for 15 years. I have looked at the spiritual roots, the addictions, the cravings, the lack of love, the nurturing, lack of self-control, and so on. I’ve recognized all these things, now what do I do to get free??” Then He told me. After exhausting all the things I thought was the problem, he simply said, “You fear food.”

I knew there was a connection between food and love, and I knew that fear was in there someplace, but didn’t see it in this light before. I began thinking about all the ways I’ve feared food! And here they are:

Afraid of getting fat
Afraid I’m not combining foods properly – blood type diet, etc.
Afraid of getting dizzy
Afraid of not eating at the right times
Afraid if I don’t eat I’ll get sick
Afraid of what I eat, I’ll get sick
Afraid of reactions to foods
Afraid of tooth decay

(Some of these fears may be real, but fear is fear and is not a God given attribute. If I choose to eat candy, I don’t need to fear getting a cavity. If I get a cavity I get a cavity. Because fear builds upon fear -because if I fear getting a cavity, I’m really fearing the dentist! So the fear continues. We are to FEAR NOTHING!)

As I looked upon this list, I was simply living in fear! Romans 14:23 says, “And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not of faith; for whatsoever is not of faith is sin.” So the bottom line was that I’ve been eating (not eating) in sin. And it is also saying that whatever I believe is sin, is sin to me. So if I have certain convictions and override those convictions, that is sin.

I chose immediately to be freed from fear and I said, “I will not fear eating food any more, all fear has to be exposed and cast out. I am free to eat and I am free not to eat, but whatever it is, will not be driven any more by fear. I will not fear getting fat, getting sick, or of not “doing” it right!”

With that statement, I felt let out of a cage. I felt hope and restoration in my heart. I felt that all that is now behind me, not before my face every day. And now I can treat this part of my life as anything else, with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Because as Paul said, “ All thing are acceptable to do, but not all things are beneficial for me.” That’s the Holy Spirit’s job to help me, not only in the food area, but in all areas. Because like I said, if I think it’s not right in my own heart, and do it, that is sin!

Interesting that this scripture is talking about food! Take a look at Romans 14:22 too! “Has thou faith? Have it to thyself before God. Happy is that condemeth not himself in that thing which he alloweth. “ Remember, we can have anything we want to eat, and not to condemn ourselves when we allow ourselves to have it!

OK, so the “walk-out” begins. This new found revelation is going to be a part of my daily walk, that’s for sure, because we all have to eat to live. But it’s going to be different and I have already had opportunity to see the change. Here’s an example:

I ate a nice dinner, and after that had a cherry turnover with some ice-cream. I began “feeling” a little dizzy. I stopped and said, “I will not fear.” Immediately the dizziness stopped. I also chose not to fear the dizziness, and stated so. I said, “If my body wants to go on a trip so be it, but I will not fear the trip.”

As I wrote this article, I was eating a bowl of raisin bran. I began “feeling” dizzy. I knew why! I feared the raisins because they were sweet!! So I stopped just now and said, “I will not fear the raisins.” And do you know that the dizziness became less and less almost immediately?

I had no idea how much I feared in the area of food! This is going to prove interesting when it’s all said and done, but I know now this has been the problem all those many years. I was “trying” to maintain the problem by doing what the nutritionists and doctors say. But I also know that the Bible is clear on something, “Don’t tell people not to eat meat, that is the doctrines of devils.” And other scriptures say, “Don’t listen to any bad reports.” So with all that in my heart, I realized I had been listening to bad reports and doctrines of devils. I renounce it now in Jesus name, and accept my freedom in Jesus Christ!

This is just the beginning of the new-found revelation, and really looking forward to the many ways God is going to continue setting me free!

What’s In You?

I had visited with a dear friend of mine talking of the wonderful things God is doing, some of our own personal trials, and even prayed for each other. One of the things we talked about truly amazed both of us – because when I said it, I’ve never said it before and knew it was the Holy Spirit speaking. We both grabbed a piece of paper and wrote it down. Here is what was said.

“If you are being attacked by someone emotionally, verbally, and it hurts you, it’s because it’s sin in you. If you are attacked verbally and emotionally by someone and it doesn’t hurt you, they are attacking God in you.”

We both pondered on that and discovered what it meant. When someone attacks us with words, manipulation, control, backbiting, gossip, etc. and we are hurt by it. Then there is something in us that is hurting. God is allowing those things to happen so that we can see what is in us so He can purge us, because what is hurting is a result of sin in us. Another view is that when someone is rude, critical, judgmental toward us, we need to stop for a minute and ask God if that’s what we are. Because those are the things that is “hurting” us. As I talked with my friend, we saw that we had these things still in us too, that’s why those areas hurt. They were “buttons” inside us that could be pressed! So knkowing this now, we both confessed our controlling, criticism and judgment to God and received forgiveness. Then the second part of this statement is about God. When we are attacked verbally and emotionally and we don’t feel hurt, we can have true compassion and love to that person because they may be attacking us, but in fact, attacking God IN us. God’s responses are gentle when attacked. If we thrash out, that’s not God in us doing that, it’s the sin in us responding to that hurt. So when the sin in us is purged, then there is nothing the enemy can push to cause us pain!

Jesus was hurt, abused, tempted, and more yet without sin. I understand that now. He didn’t have any of that IN him to cause him pain. He cried with compassion at times because of the pity he had on people. He even cried when he was submitting to God in the garden. But I believe those tears were not for himself, they were for us. There was nothing in Jesus to provoke him. But there is plenty in us to provoke us. And this is the Christian walk. To locate each and every “button” and remove them. I believe this will take a lifetime because we get rid of buttons and get new ones every day, because we are human and living on this planet. But the journey is exciting. To come free in areas that we thought we could never be free from.

For example, I was a very angry person for many, many years. I didn’t really know it until I got free. But I would feel that hot sensation rise up from my gut into my head and I wanted to “blow.” Now when things come up that truly should irritate me, they don’t. I can’t even get mad, and I’ve even tried!! Feeling like I’m justified to get mad and everything. But I can’t. It’s not in me to get mad any more. This is what I’m talking about.

I think that statement is something we can all ponder upon, as it truly made an impact on me and my friends view on relationship with others, and how we see ourselves! Especially the part that if we see it in others, we better stop and ask God if it is in us! It goes along with the scripture, “Take the beam out of your own eye before taking the mote out of your brother’s eye.” It produced hope!