LAM Newsletter, May 2002

Do you just wanna know?

Many of us just want to know! Whenever a decision is made from anyone, we want to know why. I believe that when I know something I feel like I have control. The truth is, God is the only one in control.

Eve wanted to KNOW too. That's why she ate the fruit on the tree of knowledge. That's where our problems began.

I have something to share that I believe will help you. We all want to be told what the deal is. We want to know why we have the problem and what the cause is. But dear friend, we may not always get to know and we have to learn to live with the not knowing. Yes, some of you are learning to discern, but you also know you can’t figure everything out. Some things aren’t revealed to us for the simple reason that God doesn’t want us to know. If you knew everything, you wouldn’t need faith. Faith is believing the unknown or unseen.

What happens is that when we ask God to tell us something and He doesn't, we think He never heard us or He doesn't love us. But these are NOT the reasons. Sometimes God doesn't want to tell us for our own good.

How many people make wrong decisions because of what they KNOW. Ecclesiastes 1:18 says that with much knowledge is much sorrow. Paul said that he only wanted to know Christ and Him Crucified. (I Corinthians 2:2)

I am learning that entering the REST of God means not knowing what He knows but knowing Him, the One who knows.

When we begin to seek God and God alone in every way we can, that's when things really begin happening. I have been seeking God in a variety of different ways. What I mean is that I've sought Him regarding my health. I sought to receive more of His unconditional Love. I desire to have a deeper closer relationship with Him. I want to walk in peace among all men. I want to be a teacher of truth so I began seeking His truth. My job as a believer is to SEEK FIRST the Kingdom of God. That is IT! When we do our part, God will do His. That is a promise! "Be not weary in well doing for in due season ye shall reap if you faint not." (Galatians 6:9) In other words, keep on keeping on NO MATTER what it looks like, no matter how it feels, or no matter what you think.

And I guarantee you by the Power in the Word of God that HE will bring things to pass in your life. Your life WILL change. Your heart will be renewed. Your strength will return. But first things first.

Resolve yourself to get to KNOW Him and the power of His Resurrection. That’s all we need to KNOW, for any situation. This and only this will usher you into His rest because you are truly believing Him which establishes righteousness, then peace comes, and ultimate joy.

Secrets!

God does many things in secret. It's those times we don't "think" He's doing anything that He is doing His greatest work! It's during the times of NOT KNOWING everything (all the secrets) that our faith grows.

In my last newsletter I shared with you that I was "going through something" I didn't know what it was. Well friends, at the writing of this article, it was revealed to me. Why now? Why not sooner? Because not only was He doing something in my life, He was building me up in faith to trust Him when I couldn’t figure it all out.

I was so excited when the Lord revealed it to me that I called my husband immediately from work to tell Him. See it was on my way to work as I was visiting with the Lord that He told me. He said that He was preparing me for a promotion. And reminded me that before every promotion are a series of tests. I was IN that testing place. I like to call it a chasm. A place between places where you don’t feel the ground underneath you. Where you feel abandoned and alone? Where nothing seems to make sense. And during those uncertain times, you still hold onto the truth. That in it is THE test. Jesus was left alone on the cross, abandoned by His Father, yet He continued doing what He had to do. He KNEW His Father loved Him and trusts His Father. Just as we need to also.

Up until "knowing" what God was doing, things were all mixed together in my mind. But I chose NOT to get confused but trust and believe God. So that's what I did. I am now through it. My heart is freer and lighter. I have more peace now that I've already gained - if that were possible! And things around me that use to irritate me are no longer irritating me. I'm no longer losing my peace because of someone else. I believe this is what is called KINGDOM living. For the Kingdom is within us. It's not what is OUTSIDE of us; it's what is in us.

As the Lord was working in my life I saw manifestations of the change in me. One day Tom and I went to a restaurant to eat. We were placed in the middle of the restaurant at a table where people were sitting all around us. The place was really busy so the workers whizzed by us continually. The water and the ice machine was right behind me and there was constant noise and activity there. Then this was the clincher. (Up until now I didn't think anything of what was happening.) I ordered hot water with lemon. She brought hot water and told me they ran out of lemons. I looked at that cup, and began to drink it. Tom said, "What good is hot water without the lemon?" I thought for a minute and recapped everything that happened in those last FEW minutes. One thing at a time happened to us that could have been uncomfortable, but they weren't. For the first time in my life I didn't tell the waitress to move us to a booth table away from the ice machine. And it was when I didn't mind the hot water without the lemon that things clicked in my brain. "I was free from complaining - I was becoming content in ALL things." I took note of my feelings and noticed I was in such peace within. Things were moving fast all around me, noise, and so on but my insides were calm and peaceful. I was IN the Kingdom of God.

It reminds me of the description shown in the bible about the temple of God. In the inner holy place is where God dwells, but in the outer courts anything can dwell. I have experienced that Holy place. Not that I do everything right but that I have finally learned to believe and trust God. The bible says that we enter into HIS rest because we believe. Believe what? That God is God and no matter what is going on around us we can trust Him to do the best for our lives. We believe He loves us through and through. We stop blaming Him for things in our past, present or future. We take Him at His Word and receive His truth gladly.

The truth sets us free!

But what has this all to do with secrets? A lot. Because in secret did God change me. I knew something was going on, I felt it. It wasn't pleasant. I even called on a couple of you dear readers to pray for me. I'm reaping the outcome of my "holding on and trusting God" in what He was doing during that time. God doesn't always reveal His secrets to us but will tell us what He wants us to know. (Deut. 29:29) And I believe that's when we find the peace that passes all understanding. (Philippians 4:7). I believe with all my heart that if He did try to tell me things, I wouldn’t have understood and may even missed what God wanted to do. It may have been beyond my comprehension at the time. That’s why we need to go beyond our own understanding of things and trust God completely.

I pray right now that those of you who are going through something that you don’t understand, even though you have asked and asked. Stop working at finding out. See I know that some of you are learning about spiritual rooted things, and that's great. But when you have come to the end of what YOU know, now wait on God. He keeps things to Himself on purpose. If we are able to figure everything out, we'll then try to do things ourselves. That's the last thing God wants us to do. You aren't going to KNOW everything. It's time for the faith you have to kick in and trust God with what you don't know.

When He starts working in an area with you let Him do His work. Don't fear it; don't get frustrated or worried. Begin remembering the prayers you've prayed - and I'll bet one of them was "Change me Lord, I want to be more like you." That's exactly what He is doing. Not once has He relented. He keeps on. It depends on how quickly we get with the program and let God be God as to how fast we get our breakthroughs. Knowing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Because as Solomon said, with much knowing is much sorrow.

Working it out!

If you are anything like I was I wanted to work things out myself. I wanted to "make" things happen so I would be more comfortable. During what God was doing in me, I saw another thing that He was bringing me out of - and that is trying to help HIM make things happen!

Here’s an example. My job recently moved into a building that houses all 1300 employees. We sit pretty close to each other. It wasn’t long until I noticed that many of the women were wearing a variety of perfumes and the men were wearing strong colognes. As many of you know I had been healed from chemical sensitivity, but here I am again. What is the deal? This was a new experience for me though. I would go home, not feeling sick like I was before, but I would have this awful taste of colognes in my mouth that I couldn't get rid of. I had been healed from the health results but the fact remained the fumes were in the air and I just didn't want to breath them any longer. It was more of a discomfort than anything else. So I decided to take things into my own hands. During this time I was going through many kinds of purging, and I believe this was one. I recall being mad at God because He hadn't dealt with this issue when I asked. So I asked Him to forgive me for being mad and received forgiveness. But I still moved forward in helping God make things all right.

I arranged a meeting on a Tuesday with the Director of the Department I was working in to discuss this issue. He was very receptive, even understood what I was concerned about. He told me that he would look into it. I told him that I trusted that He would and looking forward to this being resolved. Now that was on a Tuesday mind you because on Friday he resigned! He quit! I didn't have my "ace in the hole" any more. All I could do was laugh. I heard the Holy Spirit remind me of a scripture, "Don't put any confidence in the flesh, but only in Me."

All along, behind the scenes God was working. Here’s what happened:

When I was out there "doing" what I thought I was supposed to, God was doing a much better job. My manager called me into her office and asked if I wanted to work at home 4 days a week! I was about floored. Knowing in my heart God was the instigator. Out of God doing this for me, 3 of my prayer requests had been answered!

While I had been "trying to make things happen" God was all along working in this situation. His method of answering my prayers was more brilliant than what I could ever hope to do!

Boy what a lesson I learned here.

INsight on Disease:

LUPUS

Lupus is an autoimmune disease in which the white corpuscles attack the connective tissue of the organs. Lupus is rooted in extreme self-hatred, self-conflict, and includes guilt. Performance also may be implicated. In other words, this person strives to do everything right to be accepted and loved.

If you would like ministry in this area, please contact the LAM office.

PERSONAL REVELATION

ALL TIED UP!

As many of you know, my life is spilled out in the pages of these newsletters, and this article is no different. One day as I was looking back upon what God has been doing I saw a vision. I was shown a long white rope. Along the rope were knots every now and then. He told me that He is removing the knots from my life. He told me that when I first began my healing this rope wasn't straight. It was all wadded up with more knots on top of more knots. Have you heard the phrase, "I'm all tied up in knots?" That's exactly what I was. The amazing thing is that now that I'm at the point that my rope is straight, yet there are still knots to be untied.

Let me try to explain it. It seems like God has been going backwards in my life and resolving every issue, one at a time. These are the knots I'm talking about. Right now I'm going through things that I went through as a young adult and teenager! Things that I haven't experienced since then, I'm experiencing AGAIN. This time, without fear. This time, knowing God is purging and cleansing, and healing me. This time, with complete confidence in Him. I cannot begin to tell you how every day I become freer! Each day, it's like a refreshing new beginning as truly the "old things" are passing away.

I believe when we become saved, the "old things" do pass away. This is scriptural. But scripture is spiritual. When I became saved my spirit was set free from old things, but now my flesh has to get set free - that's where the process and rope-untying comes in.

We walk in the spirit when our soul is cleansed from the knots in our lives.

If you want to experience the move of God in a personal and aggressive way, all you need to do is keep on keeping on. If you are an avid reader to these newsletters, you have already been learning about the Love of God. Once we get a revelation on the love of God, we will begin to experience Kingdom Living (righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Ghost). Everything else is a shadow in the light of this truth. As you begin to find yourself in the Kingdom of God, your desire will be to become thoroughly cleansed. So as you begin going through things, you won't fear, doubt, get stressed, worried or frustrated. You'll KNOW that what is happening to you is supposed to so that a work can be done in you - no matter what it is.

Freedom isn't that everything around us stops bothering us, freedom is having Peace in the middle of every day life. I like to say it this way. When we have our peace, the enemy cannot’ touch us! Because we are IN the Kingdom and the enemy cannot enter the Kingdom of God.

Kingdom of God

Isn't it interesting that after Jesus rose from the grave He spent 40 days talking about the Kingdom of God! (Acts 1:3) This tells me that learning about the Kingdom of God is a crucial part of being a believer. What exactly is the Kingdom of God? Romans 14:17 says it is Righteousness, Peace and Joy in the Holy Ghost. We have to dive into what these things are for our lives personally. First and foremost, we cannot attain any of these things without the Holy Ghost. Many for centuries have tried to gain it on their own, but the truth is, we cannot! That's where many people feel like failures because they are trying to do it themselves. We cannot do anything Righteous without the power of the Holy Spirit doing it through us. Anything we "do" that is good and right comes from God. The bible says that our righteousness is as filthy rags. (Isaiah 64:6) No matter how wonderful we think we have become, we have to remember all that comes from the Righteousness of God. The other part of that is to know you ARE the righteousness of God through Jesus Christ. We have right standing with God as believers. As we stop trying to gain righteousness and just RECEIVE it, we will then understand what it means to have Righteousness. Peace comes from Jesus. A relationship with Jesus intimately. Jesus is our Peace. (John 14:27) Peace of mind is greatly needed in our lives today. The Word of God calms us. Peace comes that passes all understanding. But we can't make peace happen, it happens to us when we know we are the Righteousness of God. Because then we KNOW we don't have to "do" a bunch of stuff to be righteousness! This alone will bring us peace, don’t you think? In looking back in my life, and seeing others who have lost their peace, it’s when they are "trying" to DO a bunch of stuff! Once we acquire that peace, then Joy comes, it's an attribute of the peace we get within!

We all need to do a personal study on Righteousness, Peace and Joy. I encourage you to open your Bible and use a concordance to look up every scripture in the Bible that relates to these three words. Find out what God says about them. As you read them, ask God to give you a deep revelation. It's only when we get a revelation about them that they drop into our spirit. Head knowledge is just that - it's all in the head. There are enough people running around with head knowledge. We need more people walking in heart knowledge. It becomes part of us. It's who we are.

And interestingly enough, once we begin learning about these areas, no matter what you think you have learned or begin getting revelation in, never forget that it's not you. It's the Holy Spirit working it in you. That's why this scripture reads, "The Kingdom of God is not meat and drink but Righteousness, Peace and Joy IN the Holy Ghost." If it were something we had to obtain ourselves and do ourselves, "In the Holy Ghost" would not have been part of that scripture.

If you are like me, I read something God tells me to do in scripture, but then I run out and try to "do" it. But the truth of the matter is, that scripture is telling us what God will do in our lives. Our job is still the same. Believe! (John 6:28) We do our part and God will do all the other stuff. The stuff that we have tried so hard to attain, but can only be attained by believing!

Expectations and Disappointment

My life was so full of disappointment and I didn't even know it. This characteristic is a crippling one and doesn’t only destroy our life but the lives of those around us. When I finally recognized this, which was deceiving me, I no longer allowed it to hinder my life. Let me share what I mean in the stories I'm about to tell you.

It has been on many occasions that I would want to go out to eat. Every time I would find a place that serves exactly what I wanted, I would go back there, only to find it's not as good. I would get frustrated and angry. I would lose my peace, and be discontent. I would then begin complaining during the whole dinner affecting those who are with me at the table. My anger reflects in the tip I leave as well. So I leave that establishment never to return. What happened? I had my own expectations of what was supposed to happen and got disappointed.

Another time my husband told me he was going to bring home pizza for dinner that night. Boy I was so looking forward to that pizza. He shows up with Chinese food! Talk about a disappointment! I said to him, "But you said you were going to bring home a pizza!" He said, "I didn't think it was a big deal to change my mind." But the problem was, I had my heart set on pizza. I would say things under my breath (complaining and murmuring) all through dinner. I had now disrupted my peace, my husband's peace all because I didn't receive what I expected. I was disappointed.

I watched a movie called "The Mighty". There was a part in there that I began to cry uncontrollably, along with one of the characters who was crying too. I understood why he was crying so much. His friend told him that there were people he knew that were going to make him well. Well he died anyway. The boy was crying out because he found that the friend lied to him. He was disappointed to find out that what his dying friend told him wasn't true! As I saw him lying on the ground crying in anguish, I too cried along with him. As I took a breath in the midst of all that I asked God why I was crying so hard? He told me that I was disappointed too. I asked him, what about? He told me that I was disappointed in myself. When He said that, boy the floodgates opened. I wailed for some time from such a deep pain within me, but as this was happening, I was also being healed. See I didn't know I was disappointed in myself. Not doing what I think I should be doing. Not growing in faith as fast as I thought I should. Not being the mother and wife I should be, and not doing everything right. I had no idea this was inside me! But it was when I saw it in myself through the leading of the Holy Spirit that my heart was purged and healed from all that disappointment. I had no idea that feeling this way about myself impacted so many things around me. The reason I would be so devastated when I was disappointed with other things (as in the other stories I shared) was that I had a deep seeded pain already there about myself.

Disappointment means to miss an appointment, it's as simple as that. Sometimes we question God because He's not doing what we think He should. We are being disappointed!

Now when I go someplace and order food that I thought was always good and isn't, I don't get upset any more, I just realize that it's a new day with new things. I've been on vacations that were so fun and would say to my husband, "Let's come back here again next year." Well, we would and it wouldn't be as fun. I would get disappointed and ruin the whole trip!

Once I understood that my expectations if too demanding, controlling or unrealistic would cause me to get disappointed. It's like I fly high on expectation and land with a thud if I'm disappointed. I had been doing that for years without even knowing it. Now that I know it, I'm no longer tossed around by disappointments. If I go someplace now and eat something that isn't very good. I don't get all mad and demand my money back. I simply accept it and say, "Oh well". I don't let it turn into a disappointment because it can ruin my whole day! I "adapt" to the change before me and make the best out of it.

Just as I was writing this portion of the book I had ordered something to eat. I got it and began to eat it. It was horrible. Instead of continuing to eat it I chose to stop and go get something else. So I went back to that same place and ordered something else. It was a challenge for me not to go and complain to the manager - cause in all actuality the only reason we would complain is to get compensated some how. Since I did make the choice, and someone had to pay for it, it might as well be me. As I accepted that, I was able to return to the same place and get something else to eat. Yes, I paid twice for lunch today but I'm in peace. What a difference than before. I paid an extra lunch cost for some peace. How much are you willing to pay? This reminds me of a friend of mine who told me that she would pay a million dollars for some stability and peace of mind. I wonder?

So why do we get disappointed in the first place? There is always a cause. In my dealings with this characteristic it's a result of not being content. Being content and at peace in ALL things comes from trusting God. Trusting God totally is when someone can be in joy and at peace no matter what has just happened.

I'll share a few examples of that. One day I went to the bank to take care of some issues. I did some transfers and believed everything to be on track. A few days went by and decided to check on my account. The checking account didn’t reflect what I had in my checkbook. Something was very wrong. I noticed something about my reaction. I didn’t get all upset and want to run down to the bank right then and confront someone. I remember in times past that my mind would go over and over to the point I would just be totally upset. By the time I would get to the bank I would not be very lovely to work with. I would have a accusing nature, angry, confused, upset, controlling, etc. But now, things are so different. What I did was say, "Hmm. Whatever Lord." And with that I went to work IN PEACE thinking about other things and singing, like I was doing before I checked on the account. Once I got to work I went to the ATM to double-check the account. I saw that the bank had placed the money I transferred into a different account of mine so I simply transferred it back. Everything worked out. One thing I realized is that in both cases everything worked out, one was a confused, upset way the other was the peaceful way but both had the same results. Even if things don't turn out as good as in this example, whether I get upset or not won't change the end result. But this took time to become my nature.

How do we allow peace to become our nature? We confess our attitude toward God, allow Him to help us recognize what is stealing our peace, and let him purge us. See we go along with having Him show us but we cringe at the part of letting Him purge us. As I shared in the story above about crying from a deep-rooted pain - that's how God sometimes purges us. The pain is what God is trying to get at in us. It could be attached to a memory or our emotions. Sometimes we'll feel the purging taking place. Did you know that we are victorious in the times that try the heart when our attitude is, "Lord though you slay me yet will I trust you." (Job) And being content comes from being thankful. We need to thank God for what we have right now not for what we don't have or want to get. Once we are thankful for what we do have, be it "things" or spiritual gifts or whatever, then He'll give us more. I recall one day Him saying to me, "Why should I give you another one when you aren't taking care of the one I gave you already?"

If you are someone who gets upset when what you "expect" doesn't go your way it means you are setting yourself up for disappointment because to tell you the truth things won't always go our way. We have to learn to be content in all things. Paul said to be content when we are prospering and when we are not, when things are going our way and when things are not (Philippians 4:12). That's how you stay in peace. And in most cases the thing that happened was far better than what I could have even expected! See disappointment is a sin. It's telling God He's not working in your life the way you want Him to. We need to recognize where we are right now then confess it to God. Tell God you are disappointed with what's going on. Disappointed in yourself and even in Him. Tell Him the truth. Tell Him of your discontentment and doubt. I recall something I heard in a movie, "To be in despair means to turn your back on God." I believe that we fall into despair when we get disappointed.

Let's get peace back in our lives. We stay in peace by staying content with whatever is going on. Because if we let that little thing upset us it will affect our whole being, our situation we are in, the people around us, and cause all kinds of unpleasant emotional and physical manifestations in our bodies. Remember, you cannot change how you feel, you cannot change you. Our job is to 1) recognize our state of being 2) confess it to God and 3) and believe that He Does ALL the rest! He will GIVE you that peace you so desire. To enter into the REST of God is every believer's goal.

Scripture of the Month

John 20:23 "Whose soever sins ye remit, they are remitted unto them; and whose soever sins ye retain they shall be retained."

Let me explain this scripture from a child’s nursery rhyme. "I am rubber you are glue, anything bad you say to me, bounces off of me and sticks to you."

Comments from Readers:

"I really enjoy your newsletter. I like the way you share the lessons you've learned. They're important lessons that everyone needs to know who's trying to get healed - of physical or emotional problems. I've forwarded the letter on to many people I've been trying to help, or to friends I know who have similar struggles.

I am reading your newsletter and I am enjoying the fact that you share you life and experiences. It is helping me a lot!!"

Another email came regarding the book, "A Matter of the Mind."

"BY THE WAY, YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS, last week (Wednesday or Thursday), I was talking with a woman here that I rarely talk to. We were talking about her being scheduled for hip-replacement surgery and I begin to share with her about a friend of mine who, through God, helps us to get at the root of our issues. I mentioned that I really didn't necessarily see a root in her situation since it was brought on by accident. But we continued to talk and share (I didn't really know if she was a Christian or not but had been getting some spiritual e-mails from her (you know the kind that people pass along). Anyway, we talked back and forth and really didn't focus on the term "spiritual roots" or anything like that. As we talked, she mentioned she had been reading a book written by a wonderful woman. She said she hadn't gotten to the part she really feels will impact her life, but that she was sooo caught up with the love and transparency of the woman, that she's just in awe. When she said that I said, "You don't mean Linda Lange do you?" She said, "Yes, do you have her book?" It was all I could do to say, that's the lady I've been talking about. WE BOTH WERE SO SHOCKED AT THE "so-called" coincidence that we just stood there with our mouths hanging open. She began to proclaim God's sovereignty and at the moment, I knew she was a true believer. It was AWESOME! Keep telling the truth in Love...Your ministry's impact is phenomenal!!!!!"

Another book comment: "This book "A Matter of the Mind" has really shown me how much of knowing "HIM" I've missed. Not that I don't know Him, but more that I don't know HIM enough, in the areas that I walk in fretting and anger. I've really been getting a grasp on why I don't, and please pray for the deception to be seen, but I'm almost afraid of the truth, go figure. What a lie! But, it is beginning to look more like a lie instead of a truth. I hope I'm making sense. I guess what I'm saying is that to know Him means to reveal the lies of the enemy. In those areas that I'm struggling in, and for some reason, I'm a little uneasy with that. Well I don't care how uneasy I feel. I am going to know my Father, my Savior, and my counselor so that when I do get on the other side of this I will be able to teach others to know HIM - the WORD!"

Everyone’s comments are welcome. Your comments encourage and help others in their walk, so please feel free to email them to me. Don’t be surprised if they end up in the next newsletter! TruthFrees@Mindsync.com

LAM 2002 Schedule